What You Are Being Compensated For (or words to that effect)

I wrote about the compensations, and there are many, but, of course, you only need the compensations because there are down sides. On Thursday, I had the latest dose of chemotherapy. By Sunday, the side-effects had kicked in. The biggest one, the real killer, is the exhaustion. I never thought I could be this tired. I find myself looking at the clock thinking it must be at least ten o'clock, to find it is barely seven. Yesterday, a friend phoned at 7.15 and my first thought, before I realised the time, was 'why is she ringing so late?' I had to ring off by 8.15, totally wiped out by chatting.  I did not even try to watch Downton Abbey on Sunday - far too late (9p.m.); I just about managed the Strictly results (7.20p.m.).

There are other, more minor, problems:

1. I ache, particularly in the long bones, largely, I suspect, from the bone marrow stimulating injections;
2. my brain is mush;
3. I have a horrible, metallic, taste in my mouth;
4. my eyes are gritty and I am useless at putting in my own eyedrops;
5. I hate the nose and other bleeds;
6. I am no longer sure where and when to put the commas in sentences (those who know me will know what a trauma that is!).

Blah, blah, blah, I hear you say. And you are quite right. This is all nothing. I am here. I am well. Friends come and visit. My cat talks to me. I have a silly grin on my face. 

DO NOT take the first bit of this too seriously. Yes, of course there are downsides. Of course there are moments when I want to curl up and feel sorry for myself. But, don't we all? Is it not true that, no matter what, we all have moments when life could be better? I have been so fortunate. I have so much support. My employers have been wonderful, demanding nothing. My friends and colleagues have rallied around. My Godchildren have come to visit. Facebook is awash with good will messages. 

And now I am starting to plan. I am booking tickets:

1. Panto in December
2. Jude Law in Henry V in February
3. Opera at the ROH in the Spring
4. Reunions with old friends
5. A major holiday - OK, I don't know where or when, but it will happen.

And, maybe, a major birthday party in August. We'll see. I'm still thinking about that!